I'm still here...

Where do I begin...
These past few weeks have been crazy. School is really kickin my behind this semester! Luckily it's almost over...or I like to think it is. It's my economics and geography class that I need to be doing better in, and I will! I've decided that teaching isn't for me. I'm back to a business major and I'm happy with that. I should be in the business program next fall, I only have two classes I have to take to be in the program and I'm taking those in the spring. So, on that note, school is going good for me just stressful. Abby is still loving school. She's had a little trouble these past few days, I'm not sure whats going on. I think she's been fightin the flu or something. She did have a fever last night. Poor kid, she's always sick on holidays!!
Speaking of holidays, Christmas is coming!! (and fast) I'm SO excited about Christmas! Mike and Rachel and Skyler will be here for two weeks!! I need Mike here, I miss him a lot right now! It will be nice to have them here with us! On the other hand, the holidays are really starting to make me sad. Abby will be with Sam for thanksgiving this year. This is my first year without her with me. I'm not sure how I'm going to do with that, but I don't really have a choice. We were doing our calenders and Abby will be one for 2/3's of the month of November. My dad will only see her for about a week for the entire month!! She and my Mom are going to Utah for my grandma's 90th birthday. I really wanted Abby to go so she can have the opportunity to get to know grandma great ( I never had that opportunity) I want her to know her relatives in Utah. So, they are going for a week and a half and while they are gone my dad goes on a work trip so I'll be home alone for a few days!! Thrilled about that!! (i think!;)) but then with thanksgiving and Sam's weekends she's not home very much! :( We'll see how I do with that.
These past few weeks have been really hard on me. (now we get to the good stuff) I'm not good at talking and that's not a good thing. I have to many things happening right now and I really don't want to burden anyone with my problems. I'm really struggling with this right now, especially with my father in heaven. It's not like he doesn't already have a lot happening, I feel he doesn't need to worry about my problems, I can take care of them by myself. And I know, that's wrong! I can't! I'm realizing this. It's just so hard to put my burdens on someone else! So, I hold it in and its really affecting me now. Abby also, she can always tell when something is going on! I hate that about kids! They always know whats going on even when I don't!! ;) I'm in a rut. A deep one. I feel so deep that I can't dig my way out right now. It's really affecting me physically, mentally and spiritually. I've gained about 15 pounds back. That really hurts because I've worked to get those pounds off and they come back so easily. I don't sleep anymore. I feel like I'm at where I was two years ago when Sam and I separated. No self-worth and that's hard to say. I'm struggling in school, that's usually not an issue for me.
I have been very blessed spiritually lately. New friends are being brought into my life to help with that. I've had the chance to hear two general authorities and soon an apostle! They have really been talking to the young singles a lot lately. With that said, yes, I'm still single. I'm happy with that. I need to learn to take care of myself before I can take care of someone else (besides Abby) I want to love myself before someone else loves me. It's not the right time for me to date right now, and I'm glad I feel that way. I have a ton of amazing guy friends that are very supportive and I'm so glad for that! I have a ton of amazing friends all together! I'm so thankful for them and all they do to help me!! Even if they think they aren't, they are!!
Well, that's enough of the depressing stuff. My life really is fun, and I'm glad for that!!
I hope everyone is GREAT and SMILES everyDAY!!! :)

(i should really start a journal! ;))